You may not know this but that 'light-hearted' conversation we just had really broke my heart into many pieces. You make me really feel like crying, because those words really had cut me deep. My heart really aches and it's hurts so bad. But why should I cry when ive always known that I had never been up there in your eyes? Why should I bother to cry? Why now? So I shall fight to keep those tears at bay. They won't fall down tonight. Not tonight.

You told me the aunties said that your second daughter is very pretty but you also said that you replied that is not true. Then you told me jiejie is the most beautiful, and that she is very photogenic. She could have been a child model, and she was like a doll. You could dress her up all day. And then you looked at me and said, you were the most horrible. And then you shook your head. After that you carried on saying how an air stewardess called the young jiejie wonderful, obedient, and stuff like that. Like that is not a big enough insult to me, and my pride, you said you are also very selfish, not like jiejie. So I swallowed everything, my pride, my honour, and said yeah I know. I'm freaking selfish but I can't help it, all I think is of myself, just abit like you. And you replied, no I'm not like that, it's only you. You don't think about others, I've seen you with your girlfriends you're like a siao za bo! What's wrong with you?!!! And so I said, too bad luh. Girls school like that one what, what do you expect? It's stuff like that that makes us happy. And then you tsked me and said, you should learn to be more demure an not be so loud. Learn from jiejie she's very kind hearted etc etc etc... I started o tune out.

You know what, fine! Jiejie is better than me. She's prettier, she has better personality, better qualities, better looks better everything!!! Cause I know I'll never be good enough for you. I'm too lousy, too fugly, too dumb, too selfish, too whatever for you. And I know the bottom line is I'm never good enough to be your daughter. THEN WHY DID YOU BOTHER GIVING BIRTH TO ME IN THE FIRST PLACE?!! When I told you my friends think I'm pretty, you said are you sure anot! Huh! Unbelievable. OKAY YA I KNOW AND YOU'RE THE PRETTIEST WOMAN ON EARTH RIGHT?!!

Okay, I knew I shouldn't have spit all these shit out cause it only makes me feel like crying even more, even harder. I'm feeling so yuan wang! Idk what to say any more. Ya, but maybe it's true! I've been too arrogant, too blind to see what a piece of shit I am. How effed up and lousy I am. Fine, I accept the truth okay! But you just isn't have to rub them all in.

Wah eff you ttm man! Since it's cny I've been doing my best not to continue being pissed off at you but your sarcastic comments all unsubtly directed to me are freaking not tolerable! I swear to everyone who witness this post here that unless you beg me to talk to you, I will never ever give in. Never ever ever ever. Cause you're not worth it and we can stay like that for the rest of our freaking lives. And also, mummy has been giving me shit again for this issue which was originally rooted from you. I am really damn pissed off. You're freaking immature childish and ignorant. Go to hell. To the deepest pit where no one can climb out of.

Go see my tumblr. You'll see how my mum found out about my lost ezlink. She was really pissed at first but she never gave me a big scolding for it. I think if I was a mother and saw my daughter say something like that, I would have been really hurt. So sorry mummy for talking about you that way. This was suppose to be kept under wraps and I'm really sorry you ha to find out about this the really hard way. I really regret saying that and having you find that out. Hais I'm really screwed and should have received hell from you but you never gave me. Thanks.

Haven't received lots of ang baos this year it seems. In fact, I only received one from auntie Kay today. Nothing else but that one pathetic small red packet. Ohwell! I still have one more day to collect though, tomorrow! Hope I get more! Cause every year my angbao money seems to be dwindling like the exponential graph. (Great this is really depressing I can't remember if it's a lg graph or whatever graph! Hais screw it!) haha! Yeah I know I'm really greedy but what to do, I'm so money face (like what my sister's bf said) and money is my best friend so too bad! Besides, I need the money for gambling! Winks!

Talking about my sister's bf, Neville, I think I'm starting to like him alot! Haha! I know I've been very distant cause I can't stand those two cuddling up to each other like some cats or whatever shit. (I even walked in on their almost kissing scene!!) but now I realised he's really funny! Yeah he keeps laughing at me for no apparent reason, though he says it's my face! Yeah fine blame my face I know I'm really ugly! Haha! And yeah, he keeps telling me I smile at myself when I don't! Every action I make sends him into fits of hysterical laughter and Idk why! But whatever, when he starts laughing, I will too cause his laughter is absolutely hilarious! Lol! No, if you're getting the wrong idea, I am not in love with neville, definitely not eying my sister's boyfriend! For one thing, he's too short for me! I won't be able to wear heels if I ever go out with him! Haha! But I shall not insult him further. I just wanted to thank him for making me laugh so much today that I'm generally happy. Sitting next to him playing blackjack, sneaking a peek at each other's cards to see who will win, complaining when we lost money or teasing each other because we're retarded like that, playing monopoly deal using Indian and china chinese accent! Just crapping shit made me really cheerful today despite other let downs and pissed-offness today. Yeah! So thank you shortie! I really hope you will join us tmr again to entertain me and all the best for your new army life on 9feb! I will miss you beckham styled hair! No it's still not nice no matter how much you deny it's awfulness! Haha!

Alrighty, second day of new year! Looking forward to the next!(: which I hope would be funner!:/


I told you. You don't love somebody because of their looks or their clothes or their car. You love them because they sing a song that nobody but you can understand.

Just wanted to say a big thank you to all my friends who comforted me, who supported cedar modern dance, who defended us from sluts who think they are more superior than everyone. Thank you very ver much!:D

To those bitches, thank you too. You just gave me a great push and kick in the ass to work even harder for cdm. I swear we're gonna grab gwh, it's ours for the taking. Prove to you guys that our cca rocks, unlike yours and then smash your words back right down your slut faces. Seriously, if you think I can't do it, I'll like to see you try watching.

And oh yeah, it takes a true slut to identify another slut. So look in the mirrors yourself first before you dare to open your bitchy mouths to insult others.

I really hate it when I have finished the meagre homework I have and am just way to lazy to read through my textbooks or start on my history mindmap, and have nothing to do, resulting to me pigging out on the rubbish my house owns just after I eat finish my dinner. Huh, wonderful! So much for toning my body and losing some weight! Grr!

The world comes to life and everything's bright
From beginning to end when you have a friend by your side
That helps you to find the beauty you are
When you open your heart and believe in the gift of a friend

Someone who knows when you're lost and you're scared
And there through the highs and the lows
Someone you can count on, someone who cares
Beside you wherever you'll go

In nursery, you have friends who goes around kissing each other and play like there's no tomorrow. For me, I had a friend, who was so much taller than me, who protected me like a body guard. To chase away the guys who would bully me in kindergarten. She was a very loyal friend, but then we separated.

In primary school, your social life starts to widen. You meet all sorts of people from all sorts of places. Then you form cliques and call each other bffs. For me, I formed many cliques, been everyone's bff, got fought over, an fought over others. Then I found two of my best friends who lived nearby. We were inseparable. But then comes secondary school. One went mad with boys, smoke and drugs. The other could only he there for me once in awhile. We all have drifted apart.

In secondary school, you would expect all those friendship politics to disappear. It was a new school for God's sake. No one knew you and you could start a new. But before you know it, you get caught up in the tangle of reality. Never knowing who to trust, and what to do. Some keep trying to climb the social ladder, trying so hard to be the coolest, to be the centre of attention. For me, I've found many friends, formed great friendships. But before I could leave this stage of my life, I feel them slipping away so quickly, I can't catch up. I've found what I thought to be true friends, only to be let down again and again. I wouldn't really call the rest fake, but I'll always know that what they say is untrustable. Not reliable, jut lies. But then again, I'm not in the perfect state to judge them for who they are.

So my cycle of friendships just continue. I don't know what I'll face in my next school? Or the next, or the next. But hopefully, by then, all of us would mature, and find these childish games of backstab, two facing and friendship shit all a laughing matter. And all of us would sit together and reflect in mid smiles that we were just making a fool of ourselves then.

Woke up late today and I still feel the sting of the pain
But I brushed my teeth anyway
I got dressed through the mess and put a smile on my face
I got a little bit stronger

Riding in the car to work and I'm trying to ignore the hurt
So I turned on the radio, stupid song made me think of you
I listened to it for minute but I changed it
I'm getting a little bit stronger, just a little bit stronger

And I'm done hoping that we could work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger

Doesn't happen overnight but you turn around
And a month's gone by and you realize you haven't cried
I'm not giving you a hour or a second or another minute longer
I'm busy getting stronger

And I'm done hoping that we can work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking, that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger
I get a little bit stronger

Getting along without you, baby
I'm better off without you, baby
How does it feel without me, baby?
I'm getting stronger without you, baby

And I'm done hoping we could work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger

I get a little bit stronger
Just a little bit stronger
A little bit, a little bit, a little bit stronger
I get a little bit stronger