when life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile.
i may not give a response but thankyou for caring for me, thankyou for always telling me encouraging words, thankyou for trying. you're truly awesome (but i'll never admit it)

idk why but even after exams, i don't feel anything.
its like i don't feel joy, i don;t feel happiness, i don't feel relieved.
i just feel... neutral.
like nothing happened and yeah.
its like an empty feeling.
this whole period seems so surreal.

post exams are totally boring.
i was damn pissed cause i had nothing to do at all.
lol. i don't wanna start on holiday homework!
NOOOOOO! i refuse! everyday is so boring.
sometimes i wish its exam period again.
at least i had something to occupy my mind, it gives me a reason to think of other things.
now that ive stepped out of that busy period, i realised, ive got nothing much on me.
my life is pretty miserable sometimes.
there's so many problems, conflicts and corruption.
why can't the world stay innocent and pure?
at least, for my world, i want it to stay that way..

anyway, at least i had fun for two days(:
thursday was very very fun! HAHAHA!
movie/ lunch date with yy, laura, algae.
and then we met rachel and eleanor and had movie together,
and kept seeing joey, carin and nithya.
lol, plaza sing ah! see so many people.
saw nurin and hillarioius hillary also! OMG SO FUNNY!!! HAAHAHAHAHAHA!
shrek 4 was pretty awesome! its quite fun to watch!
esp with these people!(:
starring rachel as shrek (big and fat!), me as fiona(sexyyyyy! HAHAHA!), yy as gingy (damn cute!), laura as puss(OMG even fatter! how can you eat yy!), eleanor as pinnochio (long nose) and algaw as donkey! (fall in love with a dragon!) !
yy's laughter was super contagious, so funny! and puss doing all those funny things!
shrek and fiona! omg! HAHAHA! don't get ideas in your head okay rachel! EWWEWWEWW!

friday was awesome too!
PRINCE OF PERSIA is definitely a movie you cannot miss!
watched it with yy (thankyou thankyou thankyou!), yurda, wc, simin and BIG BEAR!
met up with nurin and crystal.
lol, those people really dk how to shop lor, only nurin and yy.
it was a day filled with laughter, and yeah, fun.
i love hanging out with these people. HAHAHA.

yog is crap, i shall not talk about it. what training modules. URGH!

our holiday is takennn like idk whatt. thanks to cca, remedials, YOGGG and some other school stuff. can't stand it, can't stand it. whats a holiday when you have to go back to school every other day. plus there is homework. ah, screw this.


hmm, i'm gonna lock my blog soon, so if anyone wants me to invite them, tell me.
tag or sms. and i'll consider letting you in.
yep, i need more privacy space.

true friendship does not exist, at least that is what you taught me.

everytime i believe that things are getting better, you just suddenly turn around and stab me in the back. everytime i feel truly happy at our progress, you say that it was not real. it was real for me, but i wasn't for you? you know that hurts me? you know how i actually care? and i want to make it better? but no, you stick to your beliefs and build this wall of her shadow around you. and thats just disgusting, admiring people like her. like seriously, you have no life. stop bitching about others cause it only reflects on yourself. you can admit that you are one but deep down you'll always think others are worse off. nobody has the right to say about others and their personality cause no one knows whats pure and inside. whats the use of being pretty on the outside but a monster in the in? i see no sense, so help me.

hello my ohso wonderful world.
thankyou for inventing tortures such as exams.
thankyou for killing many trees just to create homework.
thankyou for letting people get eyebags just to study through the night.
thankyou for giving people headaches when they are stressed.
thankyou for every tomorrow which is worse than the day before.
thankyou for teachers who are fishballing mean.
thankyou for answers behind every question.
thankyou for creating a world with rights and wrongs.
thankyou for negleting the well being of one and focusing only on education.
thankyou for bringing me into this world to suffer.
thankyou for everything that i don't really appreciate in the end.

fishballs.
to my mummy,
there's only a slightest percentage that you'll read this but if you ever do,
i just wanna say im sorry.
i totally screwed up my exams and the subjects im absolutely confident of passing is probably physics and maths.
im only talking about passing, not even getting a freaking A.
i think ive really learnt an important lesson through this midyear exams.
don't start doing everything last minute, its too late.
i promise promise never to sleep in class.
im determined to do well now. im determined to prove myself that im not blind.
im determined to show that i can cope with what i have.
im determined to show you that what you always say when you demoralise me is not true.
im determined to show you that i am dependent on myself.
anyway, as the child who you claim to bring you most trouble and probably you hate the most,
im determined to prove to you that i am the best and i freaking don't care if you think otherwise.

and as the english passage in my mye says, parents often try to live their dreams through their children, often neglecting the child's own ambitions.
honestly, im not smarter than the rest as you think i am, so stop piling high expectations on me.
if a man can carry the burden of a mountain, i would like to see it.
cause fyi, i can't even open a freaking milk tea bottle.
don;t expect too much from me.
and do not, do not ever make me continue something that i don't want to.
im just gonna say it here.
i don't wanna play the violin anymore and msp is a serious waste of time.
don't say i didn't forewarn you.
you say im giving up and you say this is a waste.
but i tell you what, im wasting even more every tuesday and thursday night.
you say if i keep doing this in life im gonna be a failure.
fine, i am a loser anyway, but by saying this you're telling me that there are many people who have given up things they can;t go on, so you;re saying they are losers too.
fine fair enough, cause in the world everyone is a loser.
don't keep saying those kind of stuff cause you yourself never practice what you preach.

2 more days til exams over!
ALGAE and LAURA ah! on thursay the last song no more alrd eh!
how?!!!! wanna watch shrek 3 instead or sth.
my gosh!!! so annoying! one more day also cannot!

W.
you know you mean quite alot to me.
i can't go on watching her keep hogging on you.
please, im begging you don't be influenced by that alien.
she keeps aliening about everyone and everything.
she doesn't even know that she does not have tre friends.
her so called friends alien about her too.
im not saying that im a perfect friend for you, i know i can be alien myself.
but ive watched one by one the people go down and turn out to be monsters themselves.
you're innocent, and you're smart.
please please please, extract yourself from her games, before its too late.


sugar.
i love you when you're nice and innocent.
but when those vulgar words come out, you're a total alien.
do not turn into another her.
one is enough to destroy the world, we don't need another.

D. we're drifting, come back.

i wished you goodluck in my heart.
i wondered if you heard it.
you'll always have a place there, even if it hurts me.

funfact.
this is for the people who like to call others bitches:
well a bitch is a dog, and dogs bark.
barks come from trees and trees are part of nature.
nature is beautiful, so yeah, thanks for the compliment.

im closing my eyes and ears to everything you all say.
cause nothing is gonna sway me.
yes, you all do make some sense, but its not right to do this.
i still love her, don;t degrade her like that.

did i mention how much i love elephants? BUUIIWWW!

bring it on world. who says i don't dare to face you?

im just gonna write about 4 people today.
these four people, idk if you read my blog but i don't really care.
idk if people's going to understand what im saying and if they can identify these four people.
these four people, im kinda sorry that im writing this out, but i need to rant it.
i hate it when im feeling annoyedpissedangry but if i wanna face a better tomorrow, i must let go of the burden im carrying today.

before i start,
dear bubblegum, i love you.
there i said it.
HAHAHA! be happy. be honoured!(:

C
i just can't find the words to say to you anymore. its really not cause i don't trust you.
you just carry so many people's feelings with you, so many secrets.
burdening you with more would just make it worse, so i turn to someone else.
i hope you really don't get upset cause this does not mean anything.
i still love you i really do.
but i won't ever lie to you. i wanna say the truth, so if you get hurt in the process, understand that its just like that and what i feel.
of course, if you feel you're a victim in anything im about to say, feel free to tell me. cause then maybe i will understand.
i think sometimes my heart isn't big enough and i can't bear everything.
but for most of the parts, i just forgive and forget, and ignore and accept.
you really do bother and annoy me at times, cause you know too many things and care for too many people. so much so that i feel that you don't care about me anymore.
you always go to people who i don't know, people who are not even your age, people who may appear to be always there for you.
but let me tell you the truth, they don't have as much experience and however much they may seem to understand, there will be an extent where you problems will leave them speechless and they won't be able to do a thing.
i hope you'll learn to love the people around you more.
maybe im being selfish, wanting you for myself, maybe you can relate more to those other people.
idk but if this is whats best for you, i will fade into the background.

J
i don't have much to say about you. you're just fake inside and out.
and haha, you claim im so fake too. let me tell you sth,
when people treat you with sincerity, accept it okay.
i sometime really can empathize with you and when i treat you well, you misunderstand me.
seriously, can you not put poison darts in everything you say?
you say you don't have true friends and so im asking you.
do you ever open your eyes to those around you?
cause i think you have smaller eyes than me.
im a bad detector in sacarsm and you are always use it on me.
why must i learn from people about what you think of me?
actually, i don;t really bother. you don't even treat me as a friend.
i think you just think you're the all that and the best.
you complain about people with that attitude but you yourself have it too.
you say others take away things from you. have you ever thought it might be that people are running away from you instead? you always think you're right. and then put the blame on others.
one phrase of advice for you: practice what you preach. FB.
and i hope never to write about you here again ever.

R
yea you talked to me today but so what? it was just pretense.
you know i can accept you being one of them, but i just can't stand the fact that you are at the top.
as J said, people are going to start regretting later, i hope you are mentally prepared.
your attitude really pisses people around you off and i know you know that.
maybe you feel smug when that happens. you just dismiss people off at your disposal.
you don't even consider people's feelings, you think you're so up there.
you think that people will come after you, but stop dreaming. it won't ever happen for those smart people. what you did to them, they will come to understand one day.
why the hell would they want to chase after you? you're not even worth it.
too bad you probably think you are priceless.
i can't believe im just so daft to actually think that you will turn back to what you used to be.
to think that you will one day drop your pride and your egoness.
to think that i will come to fully support you with all my heart when that day happens.
but tell you what, that day will never come until you realise whats happening.
people are bound to turn their backs on you, and you will feel lonely.
mnaybe you'll put up a strong front and pretend that you don;t care.
but i know you too well, deep inside you'll be in pain.
but you can't blame anybody but yourself for your downfall.
you're surrounded by people who are more fake then plastic dolls, you are surrounded by people who will backstab you anytime, surrounded by people you think you can trust but they let others in on your secret.
your manupulative ways are bound to be founded out, discovered and stopped one day.
drop it while you have the chance, drop it while i tell you you can now.
drop it before i really harden my heart and leave you in the lurch. drop it before its too late.
you might think nothing about it, but the decision lies in you.
idk why people actually bother to wallow in self pity about how you treat them.
i know you might think that i have no right to say this while i myself have alot of flaws.
yes, no one is perfect in this world. but you are seriously beyond damage.

Z
hello. FB. you should really stop your b ways cause what you say really hurt people.
you terrorise the people around you and you treat people like they are not people.
i have known you for very long now. the innocent one i last saw in you has disappeared from your shadows.
not therer at all, not a trace of it.
your kind red pulsing heart has turned into a black solid.
like how white sweet sigar can become black and burnt and bitter.
like sugar, there are no more ways to turn that crabon back into the sugar it once used to be.
idk how to change you, when you're so insisting of being this way.
are you really like that? has the world turned you into a monster?
treat people with sincerity and kindness. when there's play there's play,
but when you don't get what you want, stop brooding over it, get a life.
i can't stand you sometimes.
you're so nice then you're mean.
like B said, you blow hot then you blow cold.
okay, now i don';t even understand what im saying! gosh!
i will not curry favour you like many do. i will not anything.
i will just stay me and see how it turns out.
you used to mean so much to me then you just turn me out.
now i think if i see you lying on the streets, idk what i'll do.
cause helping you might only cause me hurt. but leaving you keeps my heart in constant pain.
gosh, what are you thinking?BBBBBBBBBBB!

i think i shall end my words here. i feeel like im a different person now.
hais! but all is let out. i'll forget everything i said here.
these thoughts will not be in my mind anymore.
i wanna keep a clear mind.
myes are in 2 days! i am really screwed now.
exams are bitches.
why am i so vulgar? i shall try to promise never to let this word appear here ever again.
someone control me!

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a picture paints a thousand words but what im feeling, even a million pictures can't describe it.

stop it.

thanks, i think you are really awesome.





someone mend my heart cause whatever you say now doesn't help me..

seriously, the school sucks. i shan't explain but

cause a picture paints a thousand words

disappointed.

so it wasn't that bad today! HAHAHA! who knew?
yes, i definitely did screw up here and there, goodness knows what i wrote..
maybe some new invention of words, but nevertheless, whats done is done.
there's no turning back, like everything else that happens already.

and i'd really like to thank those who kept encouraging me, its really sweet(:
HAHAHA! my middle booby, thanks for copying my physics notebook! i owe you alot, xiexieni!
yes, you keep me cheerful, but no, you do not turn me on! HAHAHAHAHA!
and celine you rhino! thank you for making me work towards the pass!
bribing me with the toy you wanna buy for me! HAHAHAHA! so nice(:
i'll be waiting for it! (don't spend so much money luh!)
dadeeeeeeeeee! thanks for paying attention in class today! HAHAHA! do the same for the rest of the days too okay?((: lets work hard together and have much more study dates! WOOHOO:DD
yurda, shafena and nurin! my malay students! thanks for helping me translateeeee!(:
thankyou haseena for hearing me rant everything on you, and following me wherever i go! you're an awesome fried though i'll never admit it! HEHEHEHE:b
this may not be seen by many, since its a new blog but i really appreciate everything.

oh, day 1 with yurda not so bad! HAHAHAHA! this blur queen! RAWR!
though her maths and CSP really fail! HAHAHA!
free chem period arm wrestling with WC, suyi, yurda rachel. damn retarded!
im like the ultimate CHAMPION can! in losing that is! GRRR!
im gonna train my arm muscles! watch out people!!!

i have BIG eyes! gosh! wonderful joke you people come up with!
Q: how do you blindfold denise?
A: use a string!
even haseena guessed correct at first go!
my eyes aren't that small like seriously! gosh! mean people!>:/

its so annoying when you're so fake,
you can really cut the act.
what the hell to do now?

my hundredth over blog.
and laura shall have the honours to see it first((:
ILY!<3