don't let the darkness get you, its not worth it.

honesty is honestly the hardest

Monday, June 28, 201011:16 PM

Lying next to you
Wishing I could disappear
Let you fall asleep
And vanish out into thin air

It's the elephant in the room
And we pretend that we don't see it
It's the avalanche that looms above our heads
And we don't believe it

Trying to be perfect
Trying not to let you down
Honesty is honestly
The hardest thing for me right now
While the floors underneath our feet
Are crumbling, the walls we built together tumbling
I still stand here holding up the roof
Cause it's easier than telling the truth

I still keep your photographs
I remember how we used to laugh
I can keep on losing sleep
If you're okay with being torn in half

It's the elephant in the room
And we pretend that we don't see it
It's the avalanche that looms above our heads
And we don't believe it

Trying to be perfect
Trying not to let you down
Honesty is honestly
The hardest thing for me right now
While the floors underneath our feet
Are crumbling, the walls we built together tumbling
I still stand here holding up the roof
Cause it's easier than telling the truth

Stop ignoring that our hearts are mourning
And let the rain come in
Stop pretending that it's not ending
And let the end begin, oh yeah...

Trying to be perfect
Trying not to let you down
Honesty is honestly
The hardest thing for me right now, yeah
While the floors underneath our feet
Are crumbling, the walls we built together tumbling
I still stand here holding up the roof
Cause it's easier than telling the truth
It's easier than telling the truth

i really love my mummy alot.

i should give her more credit.

thank you thank you very much.

thank you for understanding,

for not beating me up,

for not scolding me,

for saying well done,

for saying you'll help me (to find a tutor for chem - i asked for it),

for saying that no matter what marks i get you can't change anything, so might as well don't solve things with violence,

for encouraging me,

for caring for me,

for buying porridge when you know i can't eat much ( thanks to braces),

for just being there,

for being my mother.

so many lies, so many tears, so many empty promises.

im sorry.

im gonna work hard, and no not another broken motivation.

im gonna work hard, real hard.

im gonna get my As oh yes i will.

its not easy to tell you the truth, especially if white lies content you (without your knowledge).

im gonna try, im gonna try.

i hope you can keep this calm facade when you know the rest of my results.

cause the worse have yet to come.

for now, i love you(:

oh, and thankyou algae and yingyi!

for macs, and just for being there.

yalayala all do so well!

i hope i didn't kill you with the salty fries!:X

eclipse on friday on ya?

i shall end here.

my new fave songs:

- the truth, kris allen (above lyrics) notice the ELEPHANTS mentioned(:

- gravity, pixie lott

- never say never, justin bieber and *gasp* jaden smith:DDDD

- airplanes, B.O.B feat. hayley williams

get well soon people, don't fall sick!

its not fun anymore!

i must believe;

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ilove ELLIE!(:

Thursday, June 24, 201012:24 PM

its been quite awhile since ive blogged.
actually i have nothing much to say, cause nothing much is happening.

i went kota kinabalu, didn;t get tanned, got lots of bug bites.
the ants were so big! about a cm? SCARY!

hmm, i got over my fear of fish!

fishes are scary, but going scooter diving has helped me overcome my fear.

i mean what can i do when those scuba divers stick bread between your toes and inside your palms so that a whole school of fish, enough to block out your vision come and swarm you with their hungry bites?

and man, these fishes have TEETH! but they didn't bite me.

water rafting was so so, not challenging or thrilling.

i wished we went for at least a level 2 or 3. the one we went was kindergarten.

like errrrrr...

and then of course i met my ex boyfriend.

the cute little boy who couldn't even remember me!

lol, its been like 2 years? he's finally primary 5!

HAHAHA! quite sad luh, but he's still pretty cute and innocent!(:

i had my nails painted and he went who are you trying to attract? got no boys here.

(i didn't know you paint nails to attract guys?! i painted mine for the fun of it! i mean we're girls!)

i said you luh!

then he started blushing! HAHAHAHA! cute, like i said, but thats where it stops.

cause he can go on touching live fishes (who are dying and bleeding) and trying to kill houseflies and mosquitoes.

and disturbing cute kittens who are sleeping.

okay, so that was about my kk trip.

though, i did saw proboscis monkeys and it totally reminded me of that rachel tang!
HAHAHA! though she was supposed to be baboons or sth.

lol, i bought a post card for her somemore!

hais! i miss our zoo trip! and my elephants!

now im sitting in my hotel in johor.

alone in the room, cause apparently my dad and bro and friends went golfing at 6am, not back yet, not even done with their 18holes most probably.

and my mum went out with the mother to drink coffee.

so im alone. sad but contented.

TRYING TO FINISH UP THE BLOODY ENJOYEDU LUHHHH!!!!!!

guys look nice in polo tees and shirts(:

i made my bro buy a shirt, and naturally his friend followed suit.

they look nice so yeah! i wish guys had more fashion sense.

or at least those that i know and live with should have.

HAHAHA! not that i have much clothes sense.

everyday with boring tanktops or tshirts with shorts.

HAIS! again, someone has to take me go shopping!

watched Ateam yesterday.

again, sorry celine, i pangseh you cause i fell sick,

but the show was pretty awesome(:

though i still like karate kid more! did i mention how cute jaden smith is?

but he's too small for the show! and skinny!

but he has abs and muscles! not bad!:D

the day before i went for the geog fieldtrip!

HAHAHA! horrible man! make us walk so much.

i barely listened much to the vegetation stuff, just bonded with the rest.

yixin, crystal, cheryl and cheryl.

HAHAHA! its nice to hang out with them!

and of course, lots of unglams in facebook now! HAIS!

whatever luh, i was never that fabulous anyway.

which leads me to start complaining about BRACES!

ARGH! on monday the dentist went to stick 8 rubberbands between my molars!

(though one dropped out as of yesterday cause i was trying to push it out with my tongue and it kinda ACCIDENTALLY came out! heh:x)
and ouch it really hurts! the rubberband is pretty thick you know!

it has alrd given me 2 ulcers! URGH!

its to separate the teeth to prepare for the braces which i will be putting up tmr!

hais! i can't say im excited or anything, cause i know its gonna be more painful after that.

i wish i had perfect teeth so i don;t have to do this.

but to get what i want, i got to sacrifice! go through the process of PAIN!

i know ive been through worse but ive always been a sucker for hurt.

and blood and anything that will make me feel like dying.

HAHAHAH! and then i know im weak.

cause seriously, i think those muscles that i thought was muscles are plainly fats!

HAHAH! cannot work one eh! so horrible!

i couldn't even open the clip on the hanger!
you know those kind of hangers with clips there so you can hang up your clothes?

yea, i couldn't open it. maybe a tiny bit, or not at all.

with two hands definitely, with one hand, halfway through with two fingers NADA. nothing at all.

which is very terrible as i see my brother and his friend laugh at my pathetic attempt.

ARGH! whatever luh. im still strong! just in a different sense.

but then again, i blame the hanger! cause it is really and truly difficult to open.

wanna try? go to quiksilver. (specifically the one in johor at austin hill jusco shopping centre)

anyway, i'll be going home today.

this 2 days 1 night trip is quite UNfruitful!

i didn't even get to buy anything!

while my bro got himsdelf a football (the south africa edition, he now have 3 balls with the same pattern but different colours!)

and he alone spent 200plus ringgit at quiksilver.

GOSH! horrible horrible! i didn't even spend any money on clothes!

HAHAHA! well, at least i buy more stuff then him when im in singapore. LOL!

i think im gonna end here!

cause this post is boring me. (and you)

so bye! it'll be awhile before i blog again.

too lazy to use the comp! HEH:x i just feel like sleeping!

school's in a week! and i haven't completed my homework!

ARGH! okay, gotta go now!

i wished it was all this simple.

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i hate my brother

Wednesday, June 9, 20105:06 PM

i hate my brother.
i hate my brother.
i hate my brother.
i hate my brother.
i hate my brother.
i hate my brother.
i hate my brother.
i hate my brother.
i hate my brother.
i hate my brother.
i hate my brother.
i hate my brother.
i hate my brother.
i really really hate him.

he's so fat.
he's so fat.
he's so fat.
he's so fat.
he's so fat.
he's so fat.
he's so fat.
he's so fat.
he's so fat.
he's so fat.
he's so fat.
he's so fat.
he's so fat.
he should just be a sumo wrestler.
no, on second thought, i don't even think he has enough strength to be one.

he's rude and annoying.
he's rude and annoying.
he's rude and annoying.
he's rude and annoying.
he's rude and annoying.
he's rude and annoying.
he's rude and annoying.
he's rude and annoying.
he's rude and annoying.
he's rude and annoying.
he's rude and annoying.
he's rude and annoying.
he's rude and annoying.
he's rude and annoying.
he's the only person i actually say the f word outright to.
he hears it, but ignores it.

OMG i really dk how to vent my anger.
on my own brother like seriously.
GO TO HELL GO TO HELL GO TO HELL.
i hate you i hate you i hate you.
you really suck alot. you destroy my world.
yeah, you think you're all that.
i know your secrets okay.
and they are embarassing ones.
you think idk what you're doing behind those closed and locked doors?
i tell you what, i do know.
and im gonna let the world read this.
you're sick. you're disgusting.
you're not smart. you're not handsome.
you
are
just
a
hatred
in
my
freaking
life.
so now get lost and out of my head.

i know im gonna regret saying all these some day. hais!
cause yeah, he's my younger brother and he may be sweet sometimes.
what an irony.

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im leaving on a jet plane;

1:55 PM

im boreddd.

don't let what they say or what i tell you affect you.
you yourself know what you're doing, you know the truth.
stand up for yourself for what you believe is right.
don't back out cause you're afraid.
stand on your ground, stay strong.
if not, i can't help you, and i can't tell you what to do either.

this is what i plan to do today.
1) finish all maths
2) finish 2 essays for geog
3) KILL ALGAE FOR CANCELLING OUT ON ME
4) paint my nails (latest colour is orange peach)
5) watch a movie on dvd
6) ease the sore and ache on my legs! PAIN AH!
7) sleepppppppppppppp! HAWHAWHAW! i woke up at 12 plus today((:
8) tuition work
9) practice violin
10) try to love life.

sometimes i really hate my siblings. sometimes.
they're so annoying like seriously cannot stand it!
everyone's out again! RAWR!
my parents went overseas, my grandma went for check up.
my sis went shopping with her friends, my bro idk but he left before i woke.
im the only one at home with milky and my maid.
its a boring day.
therefore, i WANT TO KILL ALGAE WONG for cancelling our shopping trip!
DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIED!

hmm, ytd was the second last day i'll be entering school, i just realised.
HAWHAWHAW!
cause i'll be missing all dance prac/ yog thanks to hols (13-17 AND 23-24)
and with the help of school veg trip and dental appointments on 22 and 25.
HEHEHEHE:b yay me!

okay im off to do some homework now.
plant vs zombies is the love(:

i found this in my sister's picture folder! sibling property rules!(:

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love thats missing

Friday, June 4, 20109:54 PM

this is my unsuccessful post on friday due to terrible internet connection.

i absolutely give up.
i give up, im not faking anymore.
what i say and feel is real, so stop trying to rub salt in my wound.
im not like you, so don't keep saying that.
i am who i am, and whether you like it or not,
just suck it.

its pointless being someone who you want everyone to love cause thats not you.
i realised that now.
everyone has that special something, its up to you to find it and bloom in that area.
i look at you and think, hmm.
you're empty.
i hope someone learns to fill it soon or just be swallowed up in your own hole.

and no, im not going to talk about anyone anymore.
im going to be neutral.
pretend nothing's going on,
emotionless to the destruction around me,
blind to those who wants to hurt me constantly.
my heart will only be open to those who are worth the trouble and effort.
if not, just screw it.

i gave you one chance, you pushed it away.
i gave you many chances, you take it for granted.
so yeah, no more chances, cause i'll never believe in you ever again.

and oh crap.
i just realised i promise never to blog abt you ever again.
looks like i need to rethink about letting you ruin my mood.
cause you don't deserve it. no you don't.
btw, stop wallowing in self pity cause its absolutely disgusting.
glad that you realise how people around you feel too.
im really happy for you.

from here on, im gonna make new friends again.

im seriously fishballed up now.
cause my dearest cousins are totally screwing my day.
what a pair of annoying brats.
and they're staying til thursday.
oh great, there goes my weekends and days too.
what an alien.
living in this hellhole sure sucks alot.
i bet those two babies know im pissed at them too.
HAHAHA! must be my awesome black face at work!
ah crap, now im feeling shit and guilty.
can't stay mad at small kids for long.
sigh, i really love my life alot! yeah alot.

i went to the zoo on tuesday!
one emoticon for it.
(((((((((((:
i had a wonderful elephant time with you guys.
thank you!

on wed, it was recee to jalan bahtera.
people, tell me if you want the photos to show to the instructors kay?
i'll post it.
idk why, but i felt
:DDDDDDDDDDDDDD
on that day.
ohwell, proves how dumb ive been the past few weeks.
i need to be less sensitive from now on.

thursday was ________________________.
fill in the blanks with all words that have the meaning of boring.
it was tuition, study, violin, study.
URGH.

i went to the dentist today!!woohoo!
im gonna put braces! woohoo!
i may not need extraction (and hopefully not)! woohoo!
my first 2 colours for my braces will be pink and silver! woohoo!
my bro and i burnt a hole in my mum's pocket! woohoo!
i did moulding and x ray for my teeth today! woohoo!
but i'll only get to put them on on the 26th! boohoo!
cause the dentist going on holiday and it clashes with my schedule! boohoo!
but thats not really the point! the point is that im still gonna put on my braces sooooo
WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO!
im not spoilt, no im not!

i need someone to follow me on a shopping spree, and study dates are welcomed too!
WHEEEEEEEE!
funny how my mood can change so quickly.
im glad i have learnt to let go.

i'll always wonder whats

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