the more i think about it, the more i want to screw you.
i want to burst out and scream at you.
when i see you i have that huge urge to punch your face.
i feel like wanting to see that anguish on your face.
i dream of you begging me for forgiveness.
anything that makes you hurt will probably make me feel happy.
call me sadistic but i think you deserve it.
leave my friends alone before i reach my limit.
my patience isn't all that perfect.

okay, i should really stop fuming on someone so worthless of my annoyance.
seriously! i must get a grip of myself.
but i'm scared, i'm scared of really cracking up.
that would probably worsen things, not like it isn't bad enough.
i hope someone can pull me back, before i do things that i know i will regret.
before i hurt myself even more.
ah heck, why should i give a damn about something that was not there in the first place?

i don't know who reads my blog and who doesn't,
i don't give a shit anyway.
as you probably realise, i won't screw you if you don't screw me first.
take the first wrong step and you'll realise you can't step back anymore.
i'm usually a really forgiving person, i hate bearing grudges, and i definitely can't stay mad for long.
but i will always remember what you've done to me.
the lies you've told, the hurt you've caused, the pain i feel.



God, please help me.
you see me rant all day, you see me cry at night.
will you help me out of this mess i'm stuck in?
please help me untie these knots in my life.
and thank you for always answering my prayers.
i realised some of my problems are solved, and i have conquered that challenges you throw at me bravely.
but one more time, guide me through the darkness.
thank you for helping me to believe in you.
help me defend this faith.

olevel listening compre! yog! lol, things doesn't get much 'better' than these.
hmm, the more i think about some stuff, i wanna thank you for making life in cedar much better for me.
you were there for me when i was bored, when i was down.
sorry for not being initiative enough, you know i love you right?(:

when i see you, you make my heart flutter.
when i don't, you make me glance around me so i can find you and feel better.
its a beautiful yet annoying feeling.
i can actually hate you for making me so tired of looking around trying to spot you.
you're not pretty, or cute.
but you have that little something that attracts me.
and hell to make it worse you're older than my sister.
ahh, life sucks (yeah you know the next line), take drugs.
(and the most painful thing is hiding my feelings from the rest. pretending its nothing, shoving away all those teases. i hate teenage raging hormones. on the bright side, i think we have a special something/connection.thanks for smiling at me when our eyes meet.)

though this picture isn't wonderful or beautiful, at least what it says make sense.

its alot like people. whats outside is not the same as inside, the inside holds so much more value. don't judge a book by its cover, these cliche words. i finally start to understand what it means.