can someone seriously give me some idea whats happening for history?
i hear all sorts of shit and its seriously giving me a freaking headache!
i want a hint. a hint people! not just my history teacher sucks.
yeah, that doesn't really help except make me more worried.

and it doesn't help that i don't have a freaking phone so now i'm like currently cut off from the world.
and its not like the marshalls are doing anything, cause they are not.
you ave the freaking bus plate number alrd then do something luh!!!!
don't just tell me your 'upstairs' people are dealing with it.
you think your upstairs people got time to deal with a lost handphone when the freaking yog is here is it?
you know what, you people are utterly useless!
and my mum's not helping. i'm gonna buy me a phone since you cant be bothered to.
okay! so stop scolding me alrd!

its not easy for me.
its really not.
you asked me two questions, i'm answering it here.
you have to understand, that i've been hurt by friendship problems too many times.
i have been betrayed, i have been cheated, i have been lied to.
i have been pissed at, i have been daoed by, i have been hated.
i kept too many people close to my hearts, so when these people break it constantly,
i start losing that faith.
the faith that true friends exist, that having close friends and them hurting me is worth it.
it made me realise i only have myself to rely on.
not even my family. my sister doesn't care to listen.
my brother laughs at me when i cry.
my mum only bothers with the scolding, her attention is not on me.
my dad, i can't talk to him about such stuff, he'll just think i'm a child.
and the thing is that, i don't want to be treated like a kid.
i want to be competent and show them that i am an independent person.
so i don't want to be protected.
but you have to know that i believe friends are out there.
i just give up on letting them come too close to me. i'm afraid of that pain.
my heart is not made of stone, it is as vulnerable as other human beings.
but i feel the need to protect it. to build a wall around it.
be more wary and careful. if not it will just crack.
what happened between us was probably the final fall.
the first blow from the other one was enough, but then you dropped me just like that too.
and just like that, i kinda died and lost that believe.
i don't know if i'm expressing this correctly or if you understand what i'm saying.
but i'm really hoping you can give me some leeway.
don;t get me wrong, i still like my friends, love them and treasure them.
i want to be the one to be there for them. but my defenses come up with the other way round.
so yeah, honestly you were the first one that cared for me that much.
to such an extent that i got afraid. afraid of what might happen. and it happened.
and its hard to believe again. maybe i was not being sensitive enough, i didn't know that i hurt you.
hmmmmmmmmmmm.. i really dk what to say alrd. so yeah.

okay something really funny just made me laugh.
there's this guy who i think is particpating in yog and he jist said something like:
wo you na ge confidence and wo hui try my best.
what is this, broken chinese and english to the maximum?
lol.

okay you know what, considering that i have a long day ahead of me tomorrow, i think i better go and sleep.
i give up on history just let me fail i don't care anymore.
hahaha. i know its not fair but i really hope one kind soul will just give me something to study on.
rawrrrrrr! okay whatever.
i kinda promised algae that we'd both sleep early but look at the time now.
its almost 11pm!
i have dental appointment to tmr!
my freaking braces wire came out, and i'm gonna change colour again!
what shall i change to? something nice so that the 2 billion people out there watching me will see!
lol. i seriously hope the camera doesn;t show my face or something.
i don't want my international friends to be calling me up saying i saw you on tv and you were freaking unglam stuff like that.
its not like my facebook is not alrd full of ugly pictures of me. i'm seriously not pretty so yeah.
sad life sad life.

gonna sleep! nights!(:

let the wounds heal..