yesterday...
it was the first time i cried for so long.
it was the first time i locked myself in a room for so long.
it was the first time i really contemplated killing myself and ending my life.
it was the first time i shouted and poured out my heart, everything i've kept within me for so long.
it was the first time i saw my mum so hurt and broken.
it was the first time i saw my dad cry.

you know, sometimes i really hate myself.
for being me, for being what i am, who i am.
i can never meet the expectations of anyone.
i am a horrible daughter.
i cause a lot of problems.
i'm sorry to everyone i have hurt.

today, i really prayed very hard at church.
very hard for everyone i know and love.
i prayed that everyone would have their wounds and pain healed by the touch of God.
i prayed for those who are lost in their lives right now, to be blessed by God.
and for everyone to be filled with happiness again.
it was the first time i kneeled down and cried and felt truly sad.

you know, i just have to think of yesterday, and i can cry right there and then.
i remembered screaming and crying, "i don't want to get hurt again".
i'm gonna guard my heart from now on.
cause sometimes, really, its just so hard to live the life i want to live.
this is reality, this is the true world.
i think i see it now.

"no one is worth your tears, and the one who is won't make you cry..."