You may not know this but that 'light-hearted' conversation we just had really broke my heart into many pieces. You make me really feel like crying, because those words really had cut me deep. My heart really aches and it's hurts so bad. But why should I cry when ive always known that I had never been up there in your eyes? Why should I bother to cry? Why now? So I shall fight to keep those tears at bay. They won't fall down tonight. Not tonight.

You told me the aunties said that your second daughter is very pretty but you also said that you replied that is not true. Then you told me jiejie is the most beautiful, and that she is very photogenic. She could have been a child model, and she was like a doll. You could dress her up all day. And then you looked at me and said, you were the most horrible. And then you shook your head. After that you carried on saying how an air stewardess called the young jiejie wonderful, obedient, and stuff like that. Like that is not a big enough insult to me, and my pride, you said you are also very selfish, not like jiejie. So I swallowed everything, my pride, my honour, and said yeah I know. I'm freaking selfish but I can't help it, all I think is of myself, just abit like you. And you replied, no I'm not like that, it's only you. You don't think about others, I've seen you with your girlfriends you're like a siao za bo! What's wrong with you?!!! And so I said, too bad luh. Girls school like that one what, what do you expect? It's stuff like that that makes us happy. And then you tsked me and said, you should learn to be more demure an not be so loud. Learn from jiejie she's very kind hearted etc etc etc... I started o tune out.

You know what, fine! Jiejie is better than me. She's prettier, she has better personality, better qualities, better looks better everything!!! Cause I know I'll never be good enough for you. I'm too lousy, too fugly, too dumb, too selfish, too whatever for you. And I know the bottom line is I'm never good enough to be your daughter. THEN WHY DID YOU BOTHER GIVING BIRTH TO ME IN THE FIRST PLACE?!! When I told you my friends think I'm pretty, you said are you sure anot! Huh! Unbelievable. OKAY YA I KNOW AND YOU'RE THE PRETTIEST WOMAN ON EARTH RIGHT?!!

Okay, I knew I shouldn't have spit all these shit out cause it only makes me feel like crying even more, even harder. I'm feeling so yuan wang! Idk what to say any more. Ya, but maybe it's true! I've been too arrogant, too blind to see what a piece of shit I am. How effed up and lousy I am. Fine, I accept the truth okay! But you just isn't have to rub them all in.

Wah eff you ttm man! Since it's cny I've been doing my best not to continue being pissed off at you but your sarcastic comments all unsubtly directed to me are freaking not tolerable! I swear to everyone who witness this post here that unless you beg me to talk to you, I will never ever give in. Never ever ever ever. Cause you're not worth it and we can stay like that for the rest of our freaking lives. And also, mummy has been giving me shit again for this issue which was originally rooted from you. I am really damn pissed off. You're freaking immature childish and ignorant. Go to hell. To the deepest pit where no one can climb out of.

Go see my tumblr. You'll see how my mum found out about my lost ezlink. She was really pissed at first but she never gave me a big scolding for it. I think if I was a mother and saw my daughter say something like that, I would have been really hurt. So sorry mummy for talking about you that way. This was suppose to be kept under wraps and I'm really sorry you ha to find out about this the really hard way. I really regret saying that and having you find that out. Hais I'm really screwed and should have received hell from you but you never gave me. Thanks.

Haven't received lots of ang baos this year it seems. In fact, I only received one from auntie Kay today. Nothing else but that one pathetic small red packet. Ohwell! I still have one more day to collect though, tomorrow! Hope I get more! Cause every year my angbao money seems to be dwindling like the exponential graph. (Great this is really depressing I can't remember if it's a lg graph or whatever graph! Hais screw it!) haha! Yeah I know I'm really greedy but what to do, I'm so money face (like what my sister's bf said) and money is my best friend so too bad! Besides, I need the money for gambling! Winks!

Talking about my sister's bf, Neville, I think I'm starting to like him alot! Haha! I know I've been very distant cause I can't stand those two cuddling up to each other like some cats or whatever shit. (I even walked in on their almost kissing scene!!) but now I realised he's really funny! Yeah he keeps laughing at me for no apparent reason, though he says it's my face! Yeah fine blame my face I know I'm really ugly! Haha! And yeah, he keeps telling me I smile at myself when I don't! Every action I make sends him into fits of hysterical laughter and Idk why! But whatever, when he starts laughing, I will too cause his laughter is absolutely hilarious! Lol! No, if you're getting the wrong idea, I am not in love with neville, definitely not eying my sister's boyfriend! For one thing, he's too short for me! I won't be able to wear heels if I ever go out with him! Haha! But I shall not insult him further. I just wanted to thank him for making me laugh so much today that I'm generally happy. Sitting next to him playing blackjack, sneaking a peek at each other's cards to see who will win, complaining when we lost money or teasing each other because we're retarded like that, playing monopoly deal using Indian and china chinese accent! Just crapping shit made me really cheerful today despite other let downs and pissed-offness today. Yeah! So thank you shortie! I really hope you will join us tmr again to entertain me and all the best for your new army life on 9feb! I will miss you beckham styled hair! No it's still not nice no matter how much you deny it's awfulness! Haha!

Alrighty, second day of new year! Looking forward to the next!(: which I hope would be funner!:/


I told you. You don't love somebody because of their looks or their clothes or their car. You love them because they sing a song that nobody but you can understand.

Just wanted to say a big thank you to all my friends who comforted me, who supported cedar modern dance, who defended us from sluts who think they are more superior than everyone. Thank you very ver much!:D

To those bitches, thank you too. You just gave me a great push and kick in the ass to work even harder for cdm. I swear we're gonna grab gwh, it's ours for the taking. Prove to you guys that our cca rocks, unlike yours and then smash your words back right down your slut faces. Seriously, if you think I can't do it, I'll like to see you try watching.

And oh yeah, it takes a true slut to identify another slut. So look in the mirrors yourself first before you dare to open your bitchy mouths to insult others.