You may not know this but that 'light-hearted' conversation we just had really broke my heart into many pieces. You make me really feel like crying, because those words really had cut me deep. My heart really aches and it's hurts so bad. But why should I cry when ive always known that I had never been up there in your eyes? Why should I bother to cry? Why now? So I shall fight to keep those tears at bay. They won't fall down tonight. Not tonight.

You told me the aunties said that your second daughter is very pretty but you also said that you replied that is not true. Then you told me jiejie is the most beautiful, and that she is very photogenic. She could have been a child model, and she was like a doll. You could dress her up all day. And then you looked at me and said, you were the most horrible. And then you shook your head. After that you carried on saying how an air stewardess called the young jiejie wonderful, obedient, and stuff like that. Like that is not a big enough insult to me, and my pride, you said you are also very selfish, not like jiejie. So I swallowed everything, my pride, my honour, and said yeah I know. I'm freaking selfish but I can't help it, all I think is of myself, just abit like you. And you replied, no I'm not like that, it's only you. You don't think about others, I've seen you with your girlfriends you're like a siao za bo! What's wrong with you?!!! And so I said, too bad luh. Girls school like that one what, what do you expect? It's stuff like that that makes us happy. And then you tsked me and said, you should learn to be more demure an not be so loud. Learn from jiejie she's very kind hearted etc etc etc... I started o tune out.

You know what, fine! Jiejie is better than me. She's prettier, she has better personality, better qualities, better looks better everything!!! Cause I know I'll never be good enough for you. I'm too lousy, too fugly, too dumb, too selfish, too whatever for you. And I know the bottom line is I'm never good enough to be your daughter. THEN WHY DID YOU BOTHER GIVING BIRTH TO ME IN THE FIRST PLACE?!! When I told you my friends think I'm pretty, you said are you sure anot! Huh! Unbelievable. OKAY YA I KNOW AND YOU'RE THE PRETTIEST WOMAN ON EARTH RIGHT?!!

Okay, I knew I shouldn't have spit all these shit out cause it only makes me feel like crying even more, even harder. I'm feeling so yuan wang! Idk what to say any more. Ya, but maybe it's true! I've been too arrogant, too blind to see what a piece of shit I am. How effed up and lousy I am. Fine, I accept the truth okay! But you just isn't have to rub them all in.